I dislike the phrase ‘soft around the middle’ because it implies that I am solid in other places, which I am not. If you press deep enough, the hardest part you’ll feel is my bone, which I believe is turning more elastic the more I sit. I feel like the bone is melding into my skin, or it’s getting increasingly more fragmented the more I crack my knuckles and jaw and knees and toes and spine. I believe that all the cracks will add up to a million-jointed skeleton that will result in a puddle of immovable flabby skin that used to be me.
I am soft all around. I think all muscle has gone straight to my fingers, which are good for effective (though not painless) massages, thumb wars, gripping coffee cups, and clacking overly loud on any keyboard. I believe a keyboard that does not clack is not a keyboard worth having, and that typing without sound is incredibly dissatisfying. It’s why I like to have the sound on when I’m texting, thanks to the iPhone feature that gives you clacks with your keys because Apple hasn’t figured out a way to make their own version of Samsung’s much more convenient Swype feature yet.
So one day I will turn into a puddle of soft flesh but have incredibly strong fingers. I’m told my softness is embraceable and fun, but at my puddle-stage, I recommend not trying to hug me.
A firm, friendly handshake will do at that point.